CW: murkyness that might have involved sexual assult, but not much details. Substance use mentioned.
I’m not sure it actually happened or really what happened. I just remember kicking him across the room and him coming back to me. We had been drinking and smoking pot. Apparently I even cooked that night, but with mixture of both substances, I don’t even remember a thing with that. I only remember the kick and him coming back to me and me filled with panic. I remember the next morning feeling empty, hollow, and not okay. But brushed those off and swore to not mix my substances. I don’t like having blank memories. He told me I was scared and out of my mind and hallucinating. He swore he didn’t do anything to me but tried to comfort me. He was kind of more than a boyfriend as we were planning on spending our lives together with the whole marriage deal, just hadn’t popped the question yet. I trusted him. So I brushed off my worry. But I know that’s when I started loosing trust in him. Needless to say fast forward, and I broke off dealing with him and haven’t nor wanted contact with him since. I’m not sure what happened that night, so haven’t reported nor spoke of it really.
I do want to end that with a fast forward to today. I’ve been growing independently and well, no pun intended, I’ve been learning to take up space. I’m slowly moving to being actually okay, not “okay”. Finally for years I’ve been working on changing all I’ve gone through from anger to helping others. It’s where I get my passion for my job really.
If you’re still reading, thank you
Submitted by Anon