Struggling with the Past

CW/TW Suicide
I am struggling.
Struggling to make the right decision.
What is holding me back? Holding onto a grudge that is over 4 years old.

The grudge started over 4 years ago when my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. It was rough. There were several times during treatment that we thought she may not make it.
I saw how sad and defeated my mom was and felt. I wanted to do something to cheer her up, so she wouldn’t give up hope. I started a group on FB and added all my friends that I thought might participate. I explained the situation and wanted to ask people to send her get well cards. Almost everyone said yes, send me the address! Do you know how many people sent her a card? ZERO! Not a single fucking one! I even posted in the group again thanking people who had already sent her a card(yes I told a lie) in hopes that it would encourage people to send one. Not even the gal who was my very best friend sent one. She only came to the hospital once with me to visit my mom. My supposed best friend that we were going be the best friends that grew old together. My boyfriend and I had offered our home to them when she and her husband and child were going to get kicked out of their house. They moved here from Utah. I could go on and on about what happened to our friendship, but it fell apart. They moved back, and she and I didn’t talk for months after. We now have an amicable friendship. We are not friends on Facebook anymore. We mostly instant message back and forth on e a week at most. I mostly stay in contact because I still care for her son who is 6 and is special needs. He was born at 24.5 weeks, 1.8 pounds. He wasn’t supposed to make it. I love him with all my heart. That has never changed.
Here is where I am now struggling.
Her husband of almost 20 years attempted suicide the other day. She saw no warning signs. She is completely beside herself. I have reached out to her, but she has not gotten back to me. I have found out all of this info from a mutual friend of oursĀ  That is not the part that I am struggling with.
What I am struggling with is that a local friend of hers is asking for donations to help out financially and setting up a meal train while her husband is still in the hospital. As much as I want to reach out and help, I can’t let go of what happened in the past when I asked for help with my mom. I know that our situations are completely different, but what happened to me has made it so I hardly help anyone anymore when they ask for it.
I needed to say this. I needed to let someone know how I am feeling.
How would you handle the situation of wanting to help but still holding a grudge from several years ago?
Submitted by Anonymous

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