My Lover

TW/CW Suicide, Self Harm

 

I don’t know where you came from…

You overtook my body; my heart, my soul and you completely change my life.

You did something terrible to me; you made me fall in love with you.

The beauty of the pain is something deep and unmistakable.

I am alone most when I am in your arms-

I crave the blade most with your touch.

 

This is a sweet caress that I cannot handle-

A quiet yearning for the darkness and the hurt.

My eyes are blind to you sins.

Do as you please for I can do nothing.

You live inside of me, outside of me, in the far-off look of every man.

You forget who I am for I am just another one of your victims;

One out of the millions that suffer.

 

I remember the day they told me of your immortality-

I’ve been trying to kill you ever since that day.

But the pills are insufficient, and

I cannot talk you out of my head.

It’s a sweet homicidal melody that hums through my brain,

To kill you would be to kill myself.

Such an unacheivable goal, the bar was too high,

I need to scream out my hurt and just let myself be better.

But I fell in love with you, my misery- my illness.

You’ve become my most loyal companion,

I can trust you to be there for me whenever I have lost everyone else.

I have fallen in love with you,

I cannot live without you, and

I can incomplete without that hollow hole you’ve drilled into my soul.

 

You kiss my cheeks with my tears-

You kiss the rest of my body with my blood.

I wish I didn’t need you.

Breaking up is hard to do.

I’m telling you this is the end.

I cast thee out; this is an official exorcism.

 

Overtaken with suicidal audacity,

I look towards the sky and

Pray for the courage to refrain from selfish satisfaction.

The light in the sky is dim.

I’ve never been up early enough to see the sun rise.

But I go to bed late enough to have seen the sun set,

Overtaken by awe in its beauty,

My words never discuss the mornings,

But they always drink in the evenings.

Drunken lachrymose master,

Waiting for a new apprentice to take on,

Only it took less than seven years to earn my title.

 

It took but a second to be in my status,

A series of foolish acts which have lost my family”s trust,

A state of unconsciousness where impulsiveness has proven

But apathy has become my lover’s faithful pet,

Held on a leash wagging its tail behind it,

Diligently following wherever it can.

I’m sorry to say that I make a poor living space,

Sunny rays always want to burst,

To cast over a summer day while I’m riding my roller coaster

The carnival’s lights have died out,

I am the clown with a painted on smile and tear.

I close my eyes and I am spinning,

Nausea is my reward.

Quiet hushed screams from a gagged mouth

That refuses me the privilege of releasing my moans of ecstasy.

 

Hopefully soon I can break those chains,

And grow my wings,

Fly away from this life.

Then break my lover’s heart.

 

Submitted by Clutch

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