Work In Progress

CW/TW Mental/Psychological Abuse mentions

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I saw this and I screenshotted the text and saved it. It motivated me to want to write a little bit about where I am at. I’m no writer. But I tried.

“A Work in Progress”

This is 100% what I am currently going through. I am sure I am not alone either.

The hardest part is calling it quits..getting your stuff and just going.. it is easy to say you’ll do it..but when you actually start to realize it takes action to make those words mean anything…then you sit and wait for the strength to move. Waiting. Continuing the cycle every day you remain there. Saying you’re going to leave. But you don’t. You wait for that strength. But realizing you’re not as strong as you thought so you stay another day..go through another night of the same thing again.

I hardly even reach out anymore because I feel like a absolute let down.

I was told by my bf that if I stayed with my ex who was emotionally and mentally abusive for that long (6 years) and let him do that, that part of me must have liked it. Or I would have left. He keeps asking for my exes side of the story. Asking me what I did to make him treat me that way.

Nothing.

I did nothing. Not to my ex. And not to my current bf who treats me the same as my ex.

I live lost in this silence. I see messages appear but I know what they’re going to say so I don’t open them.

I will leave. I slowly feel stronger every day.
The more he drinks. The more things he says that show me what kind of person he truly is.. the easier it gets to look at one of the empty boxes from moving in..and see my things in it..packing it back up to go home.

This never felt like home. I have my baby girl and I have my cat. I cook and I clean. I do laundry and make the bed. But it goes unnoticed and unappreciated.

This never felt like home.

I hope to find my strength soon, to put my pride aside. Admit the world is right and my heart is wrong. That he isn’t going to change no matter whether I’m here for a week or a year.

Change comes from recognition. From admitting faults in yourself and knowing it can’t continue.

But if you see nothing wrong with how you treat others, or how you act. What do you have to change? Someone who sees nothing wrong with what they do, will never change. Someone who can not admit their own faults, will never change.

He will never change.

I am the one who needs to change. The course of my own life, my daughters life. I need to find the strength to do what needs to be done. To fill these empty boxes. To quit making excuses and crying wolf over and over again.

It is so hard. But I am, but a work in progress.

 

Submitted  by: Anon

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