Internalizing Bad Therapists

Everyone I talk to who has been to multiple therapists has had a bad one.

For me, I’ve seen many, many therapists. Most of them have been really, horrible people who should not be in their line of work.

I’ve had a therapist ask my mother for cocaine after a session with me. I was eight. It took several therapy sessions as an adult for me to accept that his cocaine use wasn’t somehow my fault.

I’ve had a therapist fall asleep every five seconds while I was talking.

I’ve had a therapist label me as a sociopath while my ex was also trying to convince me I was a sociopath.. I’m not and it took YEARS to get past this.

I’ve had therapist not know how to handle everything I’ve been through.

Each and every time I had a bad therapist I internalized it as something I had done wrong. Something had to be wrong with me for me to have all these people saying these things. It took years for me to undo this thinking. They were the problem, not me.

And then there was my last therapist….

She was a godsend. She was amazing. I miss her terribly but it was time for us to part ways. I moved across the country and shortly there after she gave birth (I hope) to a beautiful baby boy.

I spent three and a half years with my last therapist. She helped me work through SO many things and I really do owe her for helping me so much.

But it took me two years to really trust her, and to tell her what was really going on. She earned my trust. She was patient. And in our last session together she told me she knew from the moment I wheeled into her office I was going to be a tough case to crack.

She got to know me, she let me talk when I needed to even if it wasn’t part of what we were supposed to be working on. She listened and helped me talk through things. She cried with me several times when I told her about the things I’ve been through. She showed me empathy and understanding. When disasters happened in my life she helped me cope. That’s what a good therapist should do.

In our first session I’d flat out told her I didn’t trust humans. I told her about my previous bad therapists. She was appalled.

Now it’s time for me to establish a new therapist and I am terrified. I scheduled an appointment next week at the same place my partner goes. He likes it there so it can’t be that bad, right? I hope not. Only time will tell I guess.

I’m going into this super anxious but hopeful. My partner is going with me so I’ll have his support if something does go drastically wrong. I just hope things work out.

 

Alicen

3 thoughts on “Internalizing Bad Therapists

  1. Also wanted to add, that so many therapists I have see as an adult have been such a disappointment…either by not taking notes (and covering the same topic over and over), by having their our sessions turn into THEIR sessions, by only doing CBT and not wanting to delve into the past, or my main pet peeve (which I always mention to the therapist initially), when the therapist wants me to direct what we talk about, how we talk about it, why we talk about it. I feel akward and weird “leading” sessions. Like, that is why I am there — to get help sift through things I can’t on my own. I also have a lot of people who seem overwhelmed by “complex” ptsd. Point being, I need a psychologist, but can’t afford one. Have not found a counselor that has fit me yet. 😦

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